"What?" I'd said, cutting off my diurnal rant of why I hate my life and the week's culmination of grievances.
"For boys," she assured, "You're too smart for most boys. They don't like smart girls. It's intimidating."
It wasn't the first time I'd been told that I was too intimidating, which is a lie mom's like to tell their daughters when their years as a single lady turn from one to five. It was, however, the first time I'd been told that I was too smart.
It wasn't the first time I'd been told that I was too intimidating, which is a lie mom's like to tell their daughters when their years as a single lady turn from one to five. It was, however, the first time I'd been told that I was too smart.
I don't know why I was surprised.
Women have been told since the beginning of time that it's their job to dumb it down. Take care of their man. Have a certain beauty, a certain grace, reserve. That they're only as good as the clothes they don and the household they keep. We only just earned suffrage in America around the late 19th century/early 20th century, when men finally decided that our sally little ideas were just as valuable as theirs. Like the idea is even dead.
Women have been told since the beginning of time that it's their job to dumb it down. Take care of their man. Have a certain beauty, a certain grace, reserve. That they're only as good as the clothes they don and the household they keep. We only just earned suffrage in America around the late 19th century/early 20th century, when men finally decided that our sally little ideas were just as valuable as theirs. Like the idea is even dead.
But you know why? Because girls themselves help to perpetuate the notion. We dumb it down.
This is one of the most common tricks women like to pull in order for men to like them. Men like to feel powerful, women like to be cared for. We dumb it down so their ego won't deflate and make ourselves small so that they can appear to be big. Because we know that guys like this---In February 2011, a study showed that 73 per cent of men would prefer a pretty, dumb girl rather than a clever, more plain one.
But what does that mean for the girls who are playing meek and find themselves in a long-term relationship? The more time one spends with a person, the more comfortable people become. They begin to really, honestly, open up. So when a girl is done playing games and obscuring her intelligence, then what does that mean for the relationship? What does it mean for both of them---the girl who has demeaned herself and belittled her own mind, and the guy who by being responsive in effect helped encourage the act? What does the relationship even become when the essential part of honesty crumbles?
I've heard of it as Silly Me Syndrome before. It's mentioned often in articles about girls not correcting their love-interest if he says a word wrong or if he states a fact that is inaccurate. But the uncomfortable part is that this implies that girls don't correct them simply because they are girls, while it's perfectly OK for guys to do it to girls. As far as I'm concerned, it shouldn't be about gender, it should be about how close two people are: you won't go around making any new friends if you correct everything they say because it will cause them to embarrass (which they'll blame on you), but if you know someone long enough or in rare cases where you need to save them from embarrassment, then it's fine. But to divide that rule on gender? A little bit disconcerting.
Speaking of which, in the article Should a Girl Dumb It Down to Impress a Guy? Chester Bloom bullets some key points on why guys like dumb girls. And why they don't like smart girls. For the former, some of his reasons include that they are more friendly and responsive, less intimidating, boost the man's ego, make them feel powerful, gives them power. My personal favorite was the one where "dumb girls are more easily fascinated." Here, let me quote.
This is one of the most common tricks women like to pull in order for men to like them. Men like to feel powerful, women like to be cared for. We dumb it down so their ego won't deflate and make ourselves small so that they can appear to be big. Because we know that guys like this---In February 2011, a study showed that 73 per cent of men would prefer a pretty, dumb girl rather than a clever, more plain one.
But what does that mean for the girls who are playing meek and find themselves in a long-term relationship? The more time one spends with a person, the more comfortable people become. They begin to really, honestly, open up. So when a girl is done playing games and obscuring her intelligence, then what does that mean for the relationship? What does it mean for both of them---the girl who has demeaned herself and belittled her own mind, and the guy who by being responsive in effect helped encourage the act? What does the relationship even become when the essential part of honesty crumbles?
I've heard of it as Silly Me Syndrome before. It's mentioned often in articles about girls not correcting their love-interest if he says a word wrong or if he states a fact that is inaccurate. But the uncomfortable part is that this implies that girls don't correct them simply because they are girls, while it's perfectly OK for guys to do it to girls. As far as I'm concerned, it shouldn't be about gender, it should be about how close two people are: you won't go around making any new friends if you correct everything they say because it will cause them to embarrass (which they'll blame on you), but if you know someone long enough or in rare cases where you need to save them from embarrassment, then it's fine. But to divide that rule on gender? A little bit disconcerting.
Speaking of which, in the article Should a Girl Dumb It Down to Impress a Guy? Chester Bloom bullets some key points on why guys like dumb girls. And why they don't like smart girls. For the former, some of his reasons include that they are more friendly and responsive, less intimidating, boost the man's ego, make them feel powerful, gives them power. My personal favorite was the one where "dumb girls are more easily fascinated." Here, let me quote.
"#1 Dumb girls are easily fascinated. It’s true. All a smooth talking guy has to do is talk about his imaginative experiences and she’ll sit doe eyed with little bits of drool and beam at him all night long. A guy would like any girl who gets fascinated by him."I'd rather stab my eyes with a spoon than kiss ass. And hey, just because a girl falls into the lesser IQ, doesn't mean that she does either. Remember that whole thing about men disliking feeling inferior to someone smarter? Girls feel that too.
For why men hate smart girls: they almost always earn more (which intimidates them), they're smug, they can "be insensitive to a man's wallet", which in the context of the article means that they get him better gifts than vice versa. Again, the implication that it's only wrong for women to do this, but that it's fine for men. The truth is that most women hate it too. But because this has been enforced by society, this has become commonplace and thus stood untested and understood. And while I understand that being smug or making more money can be intimidating, that doesn't mean that all smart women are. Flaunting one's wealth looks good on no one. And on being smug--hey, I know, it's called not being a complete jackass. That doesn't jump any gender boundaries, this goes for e v e r y o n e.
I'm so sick of these little games women think they have to play to get men. The games that they actually do to get them because a lot of men have been told that if a women is too smart for him than somehow that makes him too good for her. It's disgusting and belittling. Why can't we learn that we are all equals? That gender doesn't need to dictate the qualities of a person, and then define them as good or bad?
Forget it. I'm probably going to die old and alone. I'm never going to to dumb it down. I owe it too much for the women who fought like hell before me for my rights that I naturally deserve, but have just only legally attained. I owe it to my mother and my grandmother who keep their families together while knowing that playing stupid is no way to keep a marriage. And I owe it to myself because I know that I can be--that I am--so much better than anyone who thinks they can call themselves my friend, a partner, or even someone who respects women while still belittling me in my own self-worth.
I'm done.
you're the best
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