I'm alive

Ok, so the internet is down right now because we're painting the house, which apparently means that we have to disconnect the router. SO, I'm going to have to write these blog posts with out any internet links or research, which is really annoying, because on my gmail I had this list of topics I wanted to discuss on, but I don't have any access to information to help make a somewhat decent post. Bear with me as I ramble and put you guys up to date on my life.

Today is Easter, and as you can tell, I'm a lazy ass and started all my posts five hours til midnight. How I spent my day was crawling out of bed, candy, going on Tumblr, cleaning, sleeping, cleaning, eating, roughhousing with Maddie, then finally reaching toward the idea that I might need to settle down and actually do my homework.

I've been terribly unmotivated as of late with my homework. It's the weather---staying on the computer all day and working on textbooks and doing online quizzes makes me want to crawl out of my skin when the sun is out shining and the thermometer is peaking 50.

Thank God for Spring. This winter felt like it was never going to end. I worked my ass off all through last term. I pretty much gave myself a break in March, because I was afraid I was going to go crazy and snap if I added on any more pressure on myself.

Which I have plenty of, now that we're getting closer to the AP tests. I'm taking the AP Lang and US History tests, both of which I badly need to start preparing for. I have two stories for Torch for next issue. I'm taking the SAT and ACT in June because I don't have any money or time for it in the spring. I have a job which I'm afraid I might lose because I'm a shitty salesperson. The old anxiety is starting to creep up on me again, and I hate it. I'm trying my best to squash it down.

The other day Dr. W came into my class and started talking to us about making sure we're ready to graduate for next year. I felt like I was going to throw up when she was done. I'm pretty much doing everything my own way---not the recommended courses like four years of math and science. Journalism and Paralegal/Pre-law for me, but I hate feeling like it's not enough. I don't even feel like I know what I'm doing anymore.

Things are going to get better. This is just my last dip in my springtime depression that I always seem to go through every year. I'll be ok.